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May 18th, 2012
08:40 am
I'm in control
I make the rules
I give the orders
and say what's cool
I'm bigger than this box around me
deeper than the concrete mass
you follow them
and I commend you
it's a way that you get by
you listen close to all their cues
know all the steps and dance the moves
Current Location: commute
Current Mood: sunny
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May 5th, 2012
08:17 pm
I'm 29 for a little longer now, in the streets of the young. I see so many of me, or of what I used to be. The blessing of blending is the curse of comparison. Sometimes I worry that I don't compare with the rest of them. Sometimes I worry that I do.
Current Mood: still
Current Music: pearl jam- indifference
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April 30th, 2012
07:05 pm - fast forward
It's been an odd year for weather, which is just... weather, but it affects a person. It's been (and will be) a one-of-a-kind year in other ways. Soon to come: entering my 30s, passing the two-year mark in Chicago, and a brother getting married. And already passed: I haven't yet mentioned on here that I was made permanent at work, which is nice.
Of course my reward for being "official" has turned out to be a tremendous workload, and between that and my general state of late, I've lost my grip on school to an extent. Basic self-maintenance has slipped as well (with the exception of sleep, which has been great and full of interesting dreams). Just a temporary rut I hope.
Time has moved pleasingly fast as indeed I myself have moved fast, having been on the job since January and in school since September. When all else fails, it's nice to see the calendar zooming by. Well, nice in a way.
Current Mood: brooding
Current Music: daniel lanois- lotta love to give
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April 23rd, 2012
09:01 pm - quick & dirty (unpolished) musings inspired by Alex's post
23 again
in a blurry dream
I am free again
and what does it mean?
in a snowfall never ending
in a quiet place
with a quiet rage
young and strong
and sometimes beautiful
I am free again
but where will it lead?
in a sunset already fading
already hinting
whispers of night
in a short dream
lost on waking
I felt free again
but what is it now?
just a rose-colored place of pretend
where I send
all my worries of late
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April 21st, 2012
09:57 pm - (whiny)
some people have it all
and they will always
have it all
and that is
just as well
I wish them...
...very well
but they will
never
understand
they'll
shake salt
into
the wounds
so...
...innocent-
ly
so...
...care
less
ly
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April 19th, 2012
09:35 pm
It was from a corner back behind the staircase. The deepest, darkest maintenance room known only to one lost youth and his trainer. It was there in that un-place that our present hysteria began.
Under the money-changers, under the pill-pushers, below all manner of flim-flam, in subterranean silence. Lights buzzed, flickered, hung askew. Pages with lists of numbers, no names. Maps without landmarks. Switches unlabeled.
The kid missed no one and nothing above. In the dead empty, he could finally see. And then there it was. A gradually thickening black mist that came not from the walls or the floor or the ceiling, but from his own person, from the very center of his pounding heart.
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March 27th, 2012
08:17 pm
Of course it always helps to note all the progress that you've already made. It's really quite amazing sometimes.
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07:33 pm
I remember Jack Nicholson's title-referencing movie line "What if this is as good as it gets?" I'm at a point where I have most of what I could ask for in life; from here on out (to grossly simplify the situation), it's basically just a matter of growing into the life I've established.
And so the question becomes, what keeps it interesting? Yes, boredom is a real concern at times. I used to scoff at the idea of being bored when I was so often overwhelmed, but I've come to realize that the two problems are not mutually exclusive. And that's precisely why there's no easy fix for either of them.
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March 22nd, 2012
08:21 pm
I'm still here. Not sure I have much more to say than that. Busy, you know. Got an A in my winter class, so that's something.
Current Mood: mixed
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March 3rd, 2012
11:17 am - Writer's Block: Play Catch
My only current pet is Housey the house-centipede, who I usually kill but who occasionally reincarnates (knock on wood). In effect it already has a hundred little thumbs, allowing it to cruise the walls and ceilings at about sixty miles an hour.
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